Dad

I'm up late. I'm sad. I just have to get my feelings out, so I'm typing whatever comes to me.

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I look out my front window.
It's night. It's dark outside.
I see houses up and down the block.
Each house has people, families inside.
Most of these people probably still have their fathers.
There's a guy on his bicycle.
He's probably still got his dad.
Behind him, there's a girl on her bike.
She's probably got her dad too.
Do they realize what they've got?
Do they know they should take advantage of it?
Are their dads as good as mine was?
Do they love their dads like I love mine?
Do their dad's love them like mine loved me?
Then I remember the 80 something year old man across the street.
He lives alone.
He has kids though. They visit him.
He really seems to love them.
He probably won't be around too long for his kids.
But, his kids are probably in their 50's or 60's.
I'm only 25. And my dad's not here.
It doesn't seem fair. I miss him so much.
We had a special relationship.
I guess a lot of people don't get that with their fathers.
But I did, and that's good.
My dad is with God now. Someday I'll be there too.
But not now. For now, we can't talk to each other.
We can't see each other. I just have to miss him and know he's okay.
It hurts, but it's okay. My dad is okay.
And not too long from now, I'll see him again.
We'll hug. We'll talk. We'll listen to music again.
For now I'll wait. And someday soon, maybe I'll have kids too.
And maybe I can be a good dad while I wait.

Cancer Took My Dad... But My Dad Still Won

Sunday, May 14, 2006, my dad lost his life to cancer, and a lack of nutrition due to a bowel obstruction. I may write more details later. But, for now I'm drained. All I have to say is this. My father is in heaven now. He has seen the full and complete glory of God Himself, face to face. He now knows his savior, not only in spirit, but in the flesh.

He no longer suffers. He no longer sins. He knows perfect beauty. He understands so much more than we do now. Not that I want my own life to be cut short, but I long for the day when he and I are together again, seeing and experiencing God's glory together.

If you knew my dad, please post memories of him at http://donwelch.blogspot.com.

David

Letting Go

(typed May 8, but posted on May 9)

Sometimes, we come to a point of understanding and comfort in letting go of a person we love dearly. It often seems foreign, strange, or wrong to those around us who haven't yet reached that same point of view. And that's okay. It also doesn't always mean that we, in being comfortable with somone's death, are hoping for it. Of course, we can hope against hope when all looks bleak. Jesus raised Lazurus after 4 days in the tomb. He himself was raised after 3 days. God doesn't need for a person to be at some certain threshold of health to still be able to fix them. He also doesn't choose to fix everyone who gets really sick.

As I type this, I am sitting by my father's bed side in the hospital. His body has been ravaged by cancer, and yet even further still by dehydration, malnutrition, and strong doses of chemotherapy drugs. He has no energy in and of himself. He sleeps. He eats ice chips. The nurses turn him to help him deal with bed sores. Occasionally, he comes to from the morphine enough, and musters up enough strength to talk for a short while. Those times are a real blessing. But, there's not really much of my dad left inside this shell of a person.

That's really sad to me. Sometimes it causes me to cry, to weep for the fear of being without my dad, one of my best friends, for the rest of my life. But, always I know that it's okay. Always, God gives me comfort. The truth of God's word brings great comfort to my mind, body and soul. I am praying for miraculous healing for my dad right now. But, I know that death has no finality to it, when one is alive in Christ. Death brings comfort for the sick when their comfort is found in Christ. Death brings reward for the one who's treasures are not stored up in this life, but in our own resurrection, where we identify with Christ, and are raised up as co-heirs into God's glory. Death brings perfect peace, joy and eternal happiness when one knows the Lord.

If my dad should die, now, in two weeks, six months, or 20 years, when he does, he will not be far from me. Not only will I be able to see him throughout eternity, but even now, for the rest of my life, I will know that he is still as much as ever a living and active part of my family in God. Not just some idea or memory of what my dad once was. Instead, my very dad will be more alive than me, since my body is still dying all the time. Once we are with God fully, we are incorruptable, and need not fear sickness, death, or any of the things we currently think of as "bad". In God's presence, we will understand joy... real joy. And peace... real peace. We will not suffer. In this life we suffer some, for a while. It grows character in us and causes us to know more fully the things God purposes for us to know. And that's good. My dad understands that. My mom and my brother and I do to. We hope against hope for his life, but we will also be comforted in his death, knowing he's the lucky one, the first one of us that gets to fully understand glorifying God and enjoying Him forever.

Update on My Dad

I thought I would update everyone on my dad's situation right now.

Yesterday, he was at the oncology clinic, and they realized he was severely dehydrated, and that he wasn't being able to get enough nutrition. This is something we (my family) had already noticed and asked the doctors to look into. So, they put him back in the hospital. This is his third stay now in 2 months. They immediately began pumping iv fluids in him and are giving him nutrition through his iv this morning. This morning, before my dad's morning labs were in, the doctor said my dad's kidneys were headed back toward failure again. But, after they looked at this morning's labs, his kidney function was beginning to move toward a more normal range.

On top of that, we had also decided, based on the pains he was having, and some other factors, that he might have a slight bowel obstruction. After x-rays last night, we now know this was correct. He may have to have a minor laproscopic procedure to correct this, or it may correct itself with proper hydration and nutrition.

The doctors are going to watch his kidney function, and if it is close enough to normal by the end of the week, they will then go ahead and start his second round of chemo which was supposed to begin today. If his kidney function does not return to normal, that will most likely mean a decision to discontinue chemo, which is currently his only hope for dealing with the cancer.

So, we are praying that his kidney function returns to normal rapidly, that his bowel obstruction would self correct with proper hydration and nutrition, and that they would be able to get him back on track with his chemo.

Right now though, my dad is physically feeling better than he has in a couple of weeks. The fluids and nutrition are doing him a lot of good.

Thank you guys for all of your prayers. They mean a lot to me and my family.

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26:3